Superhero Hair + Quick Update

Hair

My friend Jamie grew up with her hairdresser, Tim, and always sends me pictures of him and his hair-do's. They mostly involve mohawks and crazy colors. He is a father of three, goes to my church, and even cuts our pastor's hair. 

This is Tim with Fergie, who is apparently a regular

With the new chemo my hair should be falling out again sometime this week. Since my hair was going to fall out anyways I thought it might be fun to dye it some crazy color(s). If you knew me prior to cancer, I'm a super conservative, corporate, southern pearls type- not exactly a punk rock emo kid.

I don't really go out much these days, but I have been to wal-mart and the grocery store. I've actually received quite a few compliments from strangers. Kids are the best because they have no filter. Lots of "Mommy! Look at her hair!" and then the mommies shushing their children. It is fun. My favorite comment so far has been that I look like a super-hero. I wish I had super powers and could rid all my friends of cancer, and mine too.

Rock on Baby!

The back is turquoise/teal- it is my favorite part!

Quick Update

Someone was asking my parents if I was okay since I hadn't updated in a while. If you don't see an update, I'd take that as a good sign. I typically post when I need to get something off my chest, need mucho prayers, and/or if stuff is going down. When you don't see a post, that means life is boring and I don't want to bore you. I'm super into boring these days. I crave normalcy.

But for those that like to check the blog (I hear there are people out there that do this- that is mind blowing to me!), I'm doing really well (you know, for being six months into heavy-duty chemo, taking care of two kids under two, and having a horrible cancer). :-)

For a few days after the new chemo my primary tumor was essentially doubling overnight. It was extremely frightening. Brad was taking this latest round of news harder than before, especially while watching the tumor grow so quickly. It was like this was finally becoming real to him. A few months ago I had to remind him that I even had cancer since I was mostly my perky Ashleigh self most days.

Before Christmas, one of my friends was having tingling in her face on one side and the doctors had to check her spinal fluid for cancer (scary!). Then I started having tingling on the right side of my face and my head kept hurting on the right side of my head. I wrote to my doctors at UT southwestern on a Sunday to see if those were symptoms for brain mets (breast cancer that has spread to your brain). Then a few hours later I wrote them again because a spot on the left side of my head kept hurting and my leg was tingling. The nurse wrote back Monday said I needed to take a deep breath and the doctor said it was something very serious called....stress. I can't imagine what had been stressing me out- maybe the super bad news at MDA, doing last-minute stuff for Christmas that had gotten pushed back due to MDA, prepping for my in-laws to come stay with me...who knows?? :-) I love the emails from my doctor calling me crazy instead of, "maybe we should order an MRI to check that out". They are the very, very best!

We got to give our testimony again in another small group at church. That was a very encouraging time. I think it is really helpful to remind ourselves of what we know to be true about God's sovereignty and goodness through this trial. It is a blessing for us to share our story. Someone at the end recommended we record our testimony so that our kids could watch it someday. I think that is a great idea. We are speaking again this Sunday so maybe we will find someone that can tape it! (Do you call it "tape" anymore if there is actually no "tape" involved?)

This new chemo (or maybe just the accumulation of so many months of chemo) seems to be wiping me out more than normal. I find myself needing to lay down multiple times per day. The other night I was laying down and it took me 15 minutes to will myself to get up and lay in the bathtub to soak. Last night I made dinner and by the time it had gotten to the table I had to lay my head down on the table during dinner. This is not my normal speed and what I'm used to. I'm a go-go-goer. That is actually my key skill-set. I'm not that smart or talented, I just am able to typically out-work those around me and that's how I've been quasi-successful. So to go from that to now needing a break to lay down and rest every few hours is quite the blow. I'm trying to be sensitive to what my body needs...but sometimes there are two small children that need taking care of...so yeah, it's a balance.

I've been off chemo since Saturday. I'm pretty nervous about the tumors growing this week. I don't want to lose the ground we've gained over the last two weeks (oh yeah, I probably should have mentioned that- the primary tumor shrunk A LOT with the first round of the new chemo- woohoo!!). If you remember, the tumors had gotten to the point where the doctor couldn't even feel them during a breast exam with the last types of chemo I was on. But then the cancer got resistant to that type of chemo and started growing again the last month. I'm hoping that the cancer doesn't get resistant to this type of chemo. I'm hopeful that this chemo combo will shrink the tumors and lymph nodes and still give me a pathological complete response (pCR- all cancer gone) at surgery. Now that is BIG prayer!

Still hoping, still praying for a miracle.