The past three weeks have been the most difficult weeks for me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can feel the cancer spreading throughout my body through pain, breathing, sleeping, and overall discomfort. My brain is not operating like it should. My thoughts feel like I'm trying to run underwater; everything is fuzzy and disjointed.
Is this what dying of cancer feels like?
Even while I'm at the lowest of the low so far cancer-wise (I'm VERY aware that cancer gets way lower than here), the people around me have stepped it up once again to encourage and uplift me in unimaginable ways.
In general, I make it a rule to not mention on the blog gifts or nice things folks do for me because I don't want anyone to feel like their specific gift wasn't "good enough" to make it on to the blog. But I want to break my rule for one half second to share some cool stuff that has been going on!
Ally's Wish
Similar to the Make a Wish Foundation, Ally's Wish is a foundation that grants wishes to terminally ill young mamas (like me!). A blog reader nominated me and my wish was accepted almost immediately!
My wish is to throw a really big party (you know how I love a good party!!!). I've named the party the "Life Gala" and it would be a fundraiser for my under/no-funded types of breast cancer that seem to target young mothers - inflammatory, triple negative, and metastatic disease. My goal is to raise $100K in one night! (Go big or go home, right??)
There is a ton to be done and we want to throw it sooner rather than later since I seem to be deteriorating quickly. Ally's Wish is working on getting me an event planner so I will have minimal involvement. Once some of the basics are ironed out, I'll be reaching out to y'all to let you know where we need help (because we will need a TON!!).
Clothes
This seems really simple, but I don't have any clothes that fit. I lost my pregnancy weight 6 months after delivering Noah, and actually GAINED weight through my cancer treatment since delivering David. Gaining weight through breast cancer treatment is very typical (and annoying!).
So every day I sit around in the biggest PJs I own (pretty much maternity ones, in fact). Some of my friends got together and took me on a shopping spree. They bought me much nicer clothes than I even had before, and the best part is- they actually fit.
We found outfits that are both comfy AND cute. Getting out of bed and having a cute outfit on has made me feel better mentally, too. I've been strictly advised not to lose weight right now (very bad prognosis factor for cancer). Part of my friends' strategy was to buy me jeans that are 5X more than I have ever spent on jeans. Now there is no way I'm going to lose weight and not fit into those jeans!!!
Lawn
Maybe it is a moving to the suburbs thing or maybe it is because I don't have even the slightest modicum of control over my life right now, but I have been OBSESSED with getting my yard to look good. I have thrown so much money at my lawn maintenance company to make it look fantastic and for some reason it just hasn't worked. (Maybe it's God teaching me that I really don't have ANY control over ANYTHING.)
I casually mentioned this to my neighbors (who I just adore bytheway). They have a fabulous looking lawn. In the last week, they had their lawn company come and put this fancy-dancy topsoil on top of my lawn, fill in all the flower beds, filled all the pots and hanging baskets. ANNDNDND I've been wanting to put a rug and pillows under/on the rockers we have. And they did that too! And it looks like I picked it out myself. It is so me.
It is surprising how much joy that lawn project brought to my life.
There are other big projects like these going on right now too but I want to wait until they are further along so I can show pictures with them.
Can you see how fabulous my life is? A husband that is stepping up and taking so much responsibility on, my parents and in-laws that just keep giving and giving of their time, countless souls begging the Father for more time for me, my precious, funny, and healthy little boys, people that take time to look beyond their own crazy lives and to-dos and figure out ways to make me smile, physicians and nurses that are bending over backwards to figure out how to borrow more time for me, the list goes on and on and on.
My work here on earth is not done. I don't believe God is through with me yet. Let's all keep praying that God would get more glory out of my life than out of my death. And please, oh please, pray for wisdom and open doors, for the next step to be clear and soon. Love y'all.
Is this what dying of cancer feels like?
Even while I'm at the lowest of the low so far cancer-wise (I'm VERY aware that cancer gets way lower than here), the people around me have stepped it up once again to encourage and uplift me in unimaginable ways.
In general, I make it a rule to not mention on the blog gifts or nice things folks do for me because I don't want anyone to feel like their specific gift wasn't "good enough" to make it on to the blog. But I want to break my rule for one half second to share some cool stuff that has been going on!
Ally's Wish
Similar to the Make a Wish Foundation, Ally's Wish is a foundation that grants wishes to terminally ill young mamas (like me!). A blog reader nominated me and my wish was accepted almost immediately!
My wish is to throw a really big party (you know how I love a good party!!!). I've named the party the "Life Gala" and it would be a fundraiser for my under/no-funded types of breast cancer that seem to target young mothers - inflammatory, triple negative, and metastatic disease. My goal is to raise $100K in one night! (Go big or go home, right??)
There is a ton to be done and we want to throw it sooner rather than later since I seem to be deteriorating quickly. Ally's Wish is working on getting me an event planner so I will have minimal involvement. Once some of the basics are ironed out, I'll be reaching out to y'all to let you know where we need help (because we will need a TON!!).
Clothes
This seems really simple, but I don't have any clothes that fit. I lost my pregnancy weight 6 months after delivering Noah, and actually GAINED weight through my cancer treatment since delivering David. Gaining weight through breast cancer treatment is very typical (and annoying!).
So every day I sit around in the biggest PJs I own (pretty much maternity ones, in fact). Some of my friends got together and took me on a shopping spree. They bought me much nicer clothes than I even had before, and the best part is- they actually fit.
We found outfits that are both comfy AND cute. Getting out of bed and having a cute outfit on has made me feel better mentally, too. I've been strictly advised not to lose weight right now (very bad prognosis factor for cancer). Part of my friends' strategy was to buy me jeans that are 5X more than I have ever spent on jeans. Now there is no way I'm going to lose weight and not fit into those jeans!!!
Lawn
Maybe it is a moving to the suburbs thing or maybe it is because I don't have even the slightest modicum of control over my life right now, but I have been OBSESSED with getting my yard to look good. I have thrown so much money at my lawn maintenance company to make it look fantastic and for some reason it just hasn't worked. (Maybe it's God teaching me that I really don't have ANY control over ANYTHING.)
I casually mentioned this to my neighbors (who I just adore bytheway). They have a fabulous looking lawn. In the last week, they had their lawn company come and put this fancy-dancy topsoil on top of my lawn, fill in all the flower beds, filled all the pots and hanging baskets. ANNDNDND I've been wanting to put a rug and pillows under/on the rockers we have. And they did that too! And it looks like I picked it out myself. It is so me.
It is surprising how much joy that lawn project brought to my life.
There are other big projects like these going on right now too but I want to wait until they are further along so I can show pictures with them.
Can you see how fabulous my life is? A husband that is stepping up and taking so much responsibility on, my parents and in-laws that just keep giving and giving of their time, countless souls begging the Father for more time for me, my precious, funny, and healthy little boys, people that take time to look beyond their own crazy lives and to-dos and figure out ways to make me smile, physicians and nurses that are bending over backwards to figure out how to borrow more time for me, the list goes on and on and on.
"Remember you are immortal until your work is done." - Jim Elliot
My work here on earth is not done. I don't believe God is through with me yet. Let's all keep praying that God would get more glory out of my life than out of my death. And please, oh please, pray for wisdom and open doors, for the next step to be clear and soon. Love y'all.
I am in awe of your strength and poise. What a remarkable woman you are. No matter what the future holds, you are no doubt making your friends, family and sons unspeakably proud. I am praying for you!
ReplyDeleteGod is definitely being glorified through your life !!! Sending prayers to Him and a hug to you. I love you Ashleigh❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. Please don't not ask for things because you feel bad and don't want to inconvenience others. We love you and your family and want to help, but don't know what to do. Please send more requests.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and I look forward to your updates. You have such a positive attitude and are such an inspiration to anyone going through a hard time. I pray constantly for you, your husband and your boys and can't wait to hear how we can help with your gala. So fun!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written....I agree with the first commenter...such strength and poise. What an amazing Christian, wife, mother, daughter and friend. Thank you for being so real and honest. I will continue to pray for you and your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteAshleigh, I never thought my life could be so impacted by somebody I've never met that lives states away. I think about you all the time and look forward to your beautifully written and candid posts. Your faith is just amazing! I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the updates to the yard and the porch! What sweet neighbors!
ReplyDeleteAnd gosh do we love y'all! I'm praying for you every time you cross my mind (which is frequently). I can't wait for the party! And I'm definitely willing to do anything I can to help out!
Ashleigh - Keeping you and your family and your support "community" in prayers. Remember that you are a child of the King, NEVER alone, and that YOU ARE SO LOVED!
ReplyDeleteThe porch and yard look beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you constantly and sending lots of hugs! Can't wait to hear more details of the party! You know we will offer our support! Let us know if we can help in any way!
Thank you, Ashleigh, for taking the time to update us. You and your family are in my prayers. I look anxiously for your posts every day, and am relieved to hear you and your family are soldiering on with the help of God's Holy Spirit and members of the Body of Christ who are ministering to you. I would love to help in more tangible ways but I live so far away...
ReplyDeleteI already knew you were amazing through some of Andrea's post...but seriously having your wish granted and choosing something that will help someone else down the road is so selfless. You are a precious soul. Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThrough childhood friendships with my friend Julie in Florida & her friend Todd in Boston who might be posting here / a very proactive Breast cancer advocate / & us in Alabama prayers are coming your way from all of us!!!
ReplyDeleteMarion & Jon Kling
What a blessing that you have such a wonderful support group. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family! I am amazed by your strength and how you continue to glorify God through these hard times. Don't give up! He works miracles!
ReplyDeleteHello Ashleigh. I've heard of your situation through a mutual friend. We've been praying for you. I'd like to encourage you to listen to Kari Jobe's song I Am Not Alone. It was a blessing to me in my life when things seemed to be pointing towards despair. God is using you, we will continue to pray for you.
ReplyDeleteYou have already blessed so many with your words of honesty and wisdom! Prayers are daily sent up for you and your family. I only know of you from Roswell First Baptist Church. I have witnessed too many young moms struggle through this horrible disease. You are truly an inspiration to all.
ReplyDeleteAshleigh, I heard your story through various mutual friends, mostly the Castellanas, who were my neighbors all through Jr high and high school. I graduated a few years ahead of you. You might know my brother, David Florenz. Anyway, I've been praying for your family for several weeks. Thank you for your incredible example of faith and trust in God. As a devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), I've always been so thankful for my relationship with the Lord to get me through my trials. However, my trials have been small compared to what you're going through. I live my life with the knowledge that if it's His will, the next big trial could come at any time. That's a scary thought. Examples like yours give me so much hope that when my turn comes to go through something excruciatingly difficult, I'll have the courage, faith, and strength to get through them while still keeping an attitude of gratitude, and full trust in God. It seems impossible from the outside looking in, but your candid words and the experiences you share show me that it is possible! I can't thank you enough for teaching me that. I know the Lord is so pleased with the way you've handled these last few months with unwavering faith and an amazing gift to always look for the blessings. I know your family will be blessed for it. I know our Savior Jesus Christ knows all your pain and suffering and that you will never be alone as you go through whatever lies ahead. I want to share something with you. In Romans 12:15 it says, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." I believe the Bible and the Book of Mormon go hand in hand, and a verse in Mosiah 8 reminds me of you. It says that as we are "desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; yea and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God...that ye may have eternal life." What an example you are of standing as a witness of God under all circumstances. Sending you love and praying for direction and miracles, Nathaly Blalock
ReplyDeleteI had the priviledge of meeting you once. YOU made me laugh! I am sure you have, and continue to make a difference in this world and we should all look to you as our example for life. You are a shinning star! We keep you and your family in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteWith love, Joey's Mom
Praying!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletewww.in-due-time.com
I just prayed for you and your family Ashleigh. If you want an alternative to the conventional cancer treatments that can cure your cancer, check out the Gerson Therapy, http://gerson.org. This therapy has been proven to cure all kinds of cancer including advanced cancer that doctor's have given up on. The web link is to the Gerson organization that is a non-profit organization established to promote awareness of this therapy.
ReplyDeleteIt is not for the faint of heart though and you may not be up to doing the therapy but you need to know it is an alternative available to you, or anyone else who has cancer or any one of the other 52 afflictions it has been proven to cure.
May God grant you wisdom in all your decision and peace as you travel this difficult road. if you want to know more, send me an email at w.feath@verizon.net.
I saw this today and it reminded me of you. Its called "the song of Simeon" or the "nunc Dimittis," "Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace
ReplyDelete:according to thy word. For mine eyes have seen : thy salvation, Which thou hast prepared : before the face of all people; To be a light to lighten the
Gentiles : and to be the glory of thy people Israel."
Take heed! Our Lord has gone before you and prepares a place for you! He is unchanging and promises eternal life and reunion with your children and family. We continue to pray for your healing and the peace that transcends all understanding. Though this life is fleeting, the promises of God in Christ are forever and He has promised you eternal life with Him in heaven.
Let us not forget that great Easter recourse, "Alleluia, He is risen indeed!"
He has risen and promises to you, Ashleigh, that you are His. That he has bought you with His own precious blood and that you will be with Him eternally. Christ gives you His Peace. Amen.