Thursday, June 11, 2015

Cancer sucks, People rock

The past three weeks have been the most difficult weeks for me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I can feel the cancer spreading throughout my body through pain, breathing, sleeping, and overall discomfort. My brain is not operating like it should. My thoughts feel like I'm trying to run underwater; everything is fuzzy and disjointed.

Is this what dying of cancer feels like?

Even while I'm at the lowest of the low so far cancer-wise (I'm VERY aware that cancer gets way lower than here), the people around me have stepped it up once again to encourage and uplift me in unimaginable ways.

In general, I make it a rule to not mention on the blog gifts or nice things folks do for me because I don't want anyone to feel like their specific gift wasn't "good enough" to make it on to the blog. But I want to break my rule for one half second to share some cool stuff that has been going on!

Ally's Wish

Similar to the Make a Wish Foundation, Ally's Wish is a foundation that grants wishes to terminally ill young mamas (like me!). A blog reader nominated me and my wish was accepted almost immediately!

My wish is to throw a really big party (you know how I love a good party!!!). I've named the party the "Life Gala" and it would be a fundraiser for my under/no-funded types of breast cancer that seem to target young mothers - inflammatory, triple negative, and metastatic disease. My goal is to raise $100K in one night! (Go big or go home, right??)

There is a ton to be done and we want to throw it sooner rather than later since I seem to be deteriorating quickly. Ally's Wish is working on getting me an event planner so I will have minimal involvement. Once some of the basics are ironed out, I'll be reaching out to y'all to let you know where we need help (because we will need a TON!!).

Clothes
This seems really simple, but I don't have any clothes that fit. I lost my pregnancy weight 6 months after delivering Noah, and actually GAINED weight through my cancer treatment since delivering David. Gaining weight through breast cancer treatment is very typical (and annoying!).

So every day I sit around in the biggest PJs I own (pretty much maternity ones, in fact). Some of my friends got together and took me on a shopping spree. They bought me much nicer clothes than I even had before, and the best part is- they actually fit.

We found outfits that are both comfy AND cute. Getting out of bed and having a cute outfit on has made me feel better mentally, too. I've been strictly advised not to lose weight right now (very bad prognosis factor for cancer). Part of my friends' strategy was to buy me jeans that are 5X more than I have ever spent on jeans. Now there is no way I'm going to lose weight and not fit into those jeans!!!

Lawn
Maybe it is a moving to the suburbs thing or maybe it is because I don't have even the slightest modicum of control over my life right now, but I have been OBSESSED with getting my yard to look good. I have thrown so much money at my lawn maintenance company to make it look fantastic and for some reason it just hasn't worked. (Maybe it's God teaching me that I really don't have ANY control over ANYTHING.)

I casually mentioned this to my neighbors (who I just adore bytheway). They have a fabulous looking lawn. In the last week, they had their lawn company come and put this fancy-dancy topsoil on top of my lawn, fill in all the flower beds, filled all the pots and hanging baskets. ANNDNDND I've been wanting to put a rug and pillows under/on the rockers we have. And they did that too! And it looks like I picked it out myself. It is so me.

It is surprising how much joy that lawn project brought to my life.




There are other big projects like these going on right now too but I want to wait until they are further along so I can show pictures with them.

Can you see how fabulous my life is? A husband that is stepping up and taking so much responsibility on, my parents and in-laws that just keep giving and giving of their time, countless souls begging the Father for more time for me, my precious, funny, and healthy little boys, people that take time to look beyond their own crazy lives and to-dos and figure out ways to make me smile, physicians and nurses that are bending over backwards to figure out how to borrow more time for me, the list goes on and on and on. 

"Remember you are immortal until your work is done." - Jim Elliot

My work here on earth is not done. I don't believe God is through with me yet. Let's all keep praying that God would get more glory out of my life than out of my death. And please, oh please, pray for wisdom and open doors, for the next step to be clear and soon. Love y'all.

32 comments:

  1. I am in awe of your strength and poise. What a remarkable woman you are. No matter what the future holds, you are no doubt making your friends, family and sons unspeakably proud. I am praying for you!

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  2. God is definitely being glorified through your life !!! Sending prayers to Him and a hug to you. I love you Ashleigh❤️

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  3. Thank you for this. Please don't not ask for things because you feel bad and don't want to inconvenience others. We love you and your family and want to help, but don't know what to do. Please send more requests.

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  4. You are amazing and I look forward to your updates. You have such a positive attitude and are such an inspiration to anyone going through a hard time. I pray constantly for you, your husband and your boys and can't wait to hear how we can help with your gala. So fun!

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  5. Beautifully written....I agree with the first commenter...such strength and poise. What an amazing Christian, wife, mother, daughter and friend. Thank you for being so real and honest. I will continue to pray for you and your sweet family.

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  6. Ashleigh, I never thought my life could be so impacted by somebody I've never met that lives states away. I think about you all the time and look forward to your beautifully written and candid posts. Your faith is just amazing! I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  7. I LOVE the updates to the yard and the porch! What sweet neighbors!

    And gosh do we love y'all! I'm praying for you every time you cross my mind (which is frequently). I can't wait for the party! And I'm definitely willing to do anything I can to help out!

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  8. Ashleigh - Keeping you and your family and your support "community" in prayers. Remember that you are a child of the King, NEVER alone, and that YOU ARE SO LOVED!

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  9. The porch and yard look beautiful!
    Thinking of you constantly and sending lots of hugs! Can't wait to hear more details of the party! You know we will offer our support! Let us know if we can help in any way!

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  10. Thank you, Ashleigh, for taking the time to update us. You and your family are in my prayers. I look anxiously for your posts every day, and am relieved to hear you and your family are soldiering on with the help of God's Holy Spirit and members of the Body of Christ who are ministering to you. I would love to help in more tangible ways but I live so far away...

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  11. I already knew you were amazing through some of Andrea's post...but seriously having your wish granted and choosing something that will help someone else down the road is so selfless. You are a precious soul. Praying for you and your family.

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  12. Through childhood friendships with my friend Julie in Florida & her friend Todd in Boston who might be posting here / a very proactive Breast cancer advocate / & us in Alabama prayers are coming your way from all of us!!!
    Marion & Jon Kling

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  13. What a blessing that you have such a wonderful support group. You are in my prayers.

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  14. Praying for you and your family! I am amazed by your strength and how you continue to glorify God through these hard times. Don't give up! He works miracles!

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  15. Hello Ashleigh. I've heard of your situation through a mutual friend. We've been praying for you. I'd like to encourage you to listen to Kari Jobe's song I Am Not Alone. It was a blessing to me in my life when things seemed to be pointing towards despair. God is using you, we will continue to pray for you.

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  16. You have already blessed so many with your words of honesty and wisdom! Prayers are daily sent up for you and your family. I only know of you from Roswell First Baptist Church. I have witnessed too many young moms struggle through this horrible disease. You are truly an inspiration to all.

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  17. Ashleigh, I heard your story through various mutual friends, mostly the Castellanas, who were my neighbors all through Jr high and high school. I graduated a few years ahead of you. You might know my brother, David Florenz. Anyway, I've been praying for your family for several weeks. Thank you for your incredible example of faith and trust in God. As a devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), I've always been so thankful for my relationship with the Lord to get me through my trials. However, my trials have been small compared to what you're going through. I live my life with the knowledge that if it's His will, the next big trial could come at any time. That's a scary thought. Examples like yours give me so much hope that when my turn comes to go through something excruciatingly difficult, I'll have the courage, faith, and strength to get through them while still keeping an attitude of gratitude, and full trust in God. It seems impossible from the outside looking in, but your candid words and the experiences you share show me that it is possible! I can't thank you enough for teaching me that. I know the Lord is so pleased with the way you've handled these last few months with unwavering faith and an amazing gift to always look for the blessings. I know your family will be blessed for it. I know our Savior Jesus Christ knows all your pain and suffering and that you will never be alone as you go through whatever lies ahead. I want to share something with you. In Romans 12:15 it says, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." I believe the Bible and the Book of Mormon go hand in hand, and a verse in Mosiah 8 reminds me of you. It says that as we are "desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; yea and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God...that ye may have eternal life." What an example you are of standing as a witness of God under all circumstances. Sending you love and praying for direction and miracles, Nathaly Blalock

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  18. I had the priviledge of meeting you once. YOU made me laugh! I am sure you have, and continue to make a difference in this world and we should all look to you as our example for life. You are a shinning star! We keep you and your family in our prayers.
    With love, Joey's Mom

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  19. I just prayed for you and your family Ashleigh. If you want an alternative to the conventional cancer treatments that can cure your cancer, check out the Gerson Therapy, http://gerson.org. This therapy has been proven to cure all kinds of cancer including advanced cancer that doctor's have given up on. The web link is to the Gerson organization that is a non-profit organization established to promote awareness of this therapy.

    It is not for the faint of heart though and you may not be up to doing the therapy but you need to know it is an alternative available to you, or anyone else who has cancer or any one of the other 52 afflictions it has been proven to cure.

    May God grant you wisdom in all your decision and peace as you travel this difficult road. if you want to know more, send me an email at w.feath@verizon.net.

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  20. I saw this today and it reminded me of you. Its called "the song of Simeon" or the "nunc Dimittis," "Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace
    :according to thy word. For mine eyes have seen : thy salvation, Which thou hast prepared : before the face of all people; To be a light to lighten the
    Gentiles : and to be the glory of thy people Israel."

    Take heed! Our Lord has gone before you and prepares a place for you! He is unchanging and promises eternal life and reunion with your children and family. We continue to pray for your healing and the peace that transcends all understanding. Though this life is fleeting, the promises of God in Christ are forever and He has promised you eternal life with Him in heaven.

    Let us not forget that great Easter recourse, "Alleluia, He is risen indeed!"

    He has risen and promises to you, Ashleigh, that you are His. That he has bought you with His own precious blood and that you will be with Him eternally. Christ gives you His Peace. Amen.

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  21. When I found out I was HIV-positive, the news sent me into a spiral of shame and self and my man-destruction. will hit rock bottom. I thought I would die from my drug addiction before I died from my HIV. I knew then that I had to take control of my life and get into treatment. After getting clean, I worked with my doctor to find the best treatment for my HIV. I've made taking care of myself and my HIV a top priority. Now, I'm at a point where I can help others get in care, stay on treatment, and learn to live a long, healthy life an my man.an a friend told me that HIV can be cure so this was how, My name is Joy an my man name is White will are for UK.All thanks to Dr.Okwyzil,for his good work and for healing my man and me for HIV sickness he was very sick for three years and my daddy have spend so much money on medical care and drug he have being taking to some many place for healing…This is how my testimony of my self and man on how i came in contact with a real herbalist who helped me. i appreciate everyone for taken their precious time to read my testimony, three years ago i was diagnosed of HIV, this means that three years ago i was HIV positive when i told one of my good friend about this, she sympathized with me and then she said that she was going to help me out, she told me that we should do some research on the internet, we came across Dr.Okwyzil and my friend said that she has come across a lot about him and said that he is a real herbalist remedy to all illness, i was really surprised on this and confused as well, I was so speechless and quickly i contact him to help me and he prepared some herbs for me and send it across to me and he told me the way i was going to be taken the medicine which i did, and in the next 2 weeks i went to the hospital and they said that i am now hiv negative, i am very happy about this, when i contacted Dr.Okwyzil again to tell him the good result , i asked him how he was able to help me, and he said that he was gifted with it that he can cure illness like. email Dr.Okwyzil: dr.okwyilspelltemple@gmail.com or at dr.okwyilspelltemple@hootmail.com god bless you sir, Whats App +2340951431151

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  22. Thank God Almighty that lead me to Rick Simpson, My brother lungs cancer has been cured within the Rick Simpson Hemp oil. My brother has been through chemo 3 times, but this time his condition was getting worse that I was afraid it will kill him. When a friend of mine directed me to Rick Simpson at: (akpespellcaster@gmail.com ) where I could buy the medication from, because the Rick Simpson has help cured his own Brain tumor and I strongly recommend that he would helped me with my brother cancer and cure it completely, I never believed the story, but today, with thanks giving in my heart, My brother lungs cancer has been cured within the Rick Simpson hemp oil and I want you all to join hands in appreciation of the great work that is been done by rick Simpson, he is the man that saved the life of my brother with hemp oil, thanks to him. for all those who have problem relating to cancer and other diseases should contact him through his emai(akpespellcaster@gmail.com ) I'll keep thanking him because his God sent to save my family that was at the stage of collapsing all because of my brother cancer my name is Erica, if you have cancer is time to save your life thanks everyone again bye.

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  23. Am from England, Oxford,UK ...HIV has been ongoing in my family for long..I lost both parents to HIV/AIDS. As we all know medically, there is no solution or cure for HIV and the cost for Medication is very expensive. Someone introduced me to a man (Native Medical Practitioner) in Africa called Dr Ogudugu. I showed him all my Tests and Results and I told him that i have already been diagnosed of HIV and have spent thousands of dollars on medication. I said I will like to try him cause someone introduced me to him. He asked me sorts of questions and I answered him correctly. To cut the story short, He gave me some medicinal soaps and some herbs(have forgot the name he called them) and he thought me how am going to use them all. At first I was skeptical but I just gave it a try. I was on his Medication for 2 weeks and I used all the soaps and herbs according to his prescription. That he will finish the rest himself. And I called him 3 days after, I arrived and I told him what is the next thing he said, he has been expecting my call. He told me to visit my doctor for another test. Honestly speaking, i never believe all he was saying until after the test when my doctor mention the statement that am HIV negative and the doctor started asking me how do I do it....Am telling this story in case anyone may need this man’s help. you can contact him directly on this email: greatogudugu@gmail.com

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  25. شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام التفاؤل شركة نقل اثاث بالخبر كما انها افضل شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل نقل عفش واثاث بالجبيل والخبر والقطيف والدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل
    شركة نقل اثاث بالقطيف

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  26. اهم شركات كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام كذلك معرض اهم شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام والخبر والجبيل والخبر والاحساء والقطيف كذكل شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة وتنظيف بجدة ومكافحة الحشرات بالخبر وكشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل والقطيف والخبر والدمام
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام

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  27. اهم شركات نقل العفش والاثاث بالدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران
    شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
    شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
    شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
    شركة نقل عفش بجدة
    شركة نقل عفش بمكة
    شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
    شركة نقل عفش بينبع
    شركة نقل عفش بالخرج
    شركة نقل عفش بالقصيم
    شركة نقل عفش بخميس مشيط
    شركة نقل عفش بتبوك
    شركة نقل عفش بابها
    شركة نقل عفش ببريدة
    شركة نقل عفش بنجران
    شركة نقل عفش بحائل
    شركة نقل عفش بالظهران
    شركة نقل عفش واثاث
    شركة نقل عفش

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  28. شركة شحن عفش بالدمام


    فاذا كنت من ساكني الدمام فنحن شركة المنزل افضل شركة شحن عفش بالدمام يمكنك الاعتماد علينا في نقل اثاك من دولة الي اخري او من و الي الدمام او من محافظة الي اخري لامتلاكنا اكبر اسطول من السيارات الحديثة المجهزة العدة خصيصا لغرض الشحن
    مع وجود امهر السائقين الذين علي دراية كبيرة باغلب الطرق و ذات الخبرة الطويلة في القيادة


    شحن اثاث بالدمام


    http://elmnzel.com/moving-furniture-dammam/

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