Deja Vu All Over Again

Hi Folks.  Many apologies once again for the long delay between posts.  We wanted to give you all time to revel in the joy of Ashleigh's previous post, and give ourselves and the doctors some time to investigate and process recent developments.  It's unfortunate that when you realize I (Brad) am the one writing the post, you can pretty much assume it's not going to be great news... 

Current Status

We were admitted to the hospital a little over a week ago because Ashleigh had a persistent fever she just couldn't seem to shake.  The severity varied greatly - generally it would rise through the day (sometimes as high as 103, but typically more around 101) then break overnight.  You will recall that fevers are generally bad things if you're on chemo due to a depressed immune system.  However, Ashleigh's immune system (specifically her ANC for the medical folks out there) was actually a bit elevated - either because of the booster shot she gets after chemo, or potentially as a response to an infection.

Over the last week despite the doctor's best efforts (and the involvement of the infectious disease team - think a real-live "House" without the surliness or limp) we haven't been able to pinpoint the cause of the fevers.  Since there seemed to be no infection to blame, the leading theory is that they are a direct symptom of the cancer in her liver.  The good news is they have been predominantly non-existent for at least the last few days.

Just like our last hospital admission about a month ago, what started as an isolated concern (the fever) seemed to rapidly spiral into several other issues.  Over the last week her "functional status" has decreased significantly - we're about back to where we were at the worst point last time with regard to her lucidity (or lack thereof).  She is regularly in pain, and the drugs it takes to manage that have their own deleterious effects as well.  The latest concern has been her platelets.  Healthy platelet counts are generally around 150, and anything below 20 represents a significant risk for bleeding.  I've lost count at this point of the number of platelet transfusions she's had - somewhere around 5 or 6.  Despite that, her counts regularly bottom out in the 6 to 8 range.

So we are facing some serious issues, and doctors unfortunately don't have all the answers.  Still, we have hope in God, who we know does have all the answers. 

Prayers

I would be remiss in this update if I didn't mention a few specific prayer requests:

+ Continued prayers for a miracle - that God would heal Ashleigh completely
+ That Ashleigh's mental state would improve
+ That her pain would be well-managed
+ That her platelet count would stabilize and not require more infusions
+ For wisdom for the doctors to continue to work out treatment options
+ Wisdom for us through difficult choices ahead

We have several things to be thankful for, praise God for, and even be excited about - but I'm going to update you about those in a future post :-) 

Deja Vu

It's ironic that we posted the last update about Ashleigh's miraculous recovery on the night we were admitted back in the hospital - simply because waiting around to be admitted in the emergency room gave us time to do final edits.  I am thankful beyond words for the intervening week between the two hospitalizations - to have Ashleigh at home and 100% "with it" mentally and physically was a real gift.  She and I discussed it, and I think the last hospitalization will end up being a very gracious gift from God, actually because Ash was so close to death.

What I mean is that we have never really feared being dead, simply because we believe that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" (2 Corinthians).  However, I think we both still feared the actual dying part.  But if dying looks like Ash made it look a month ago, it's really not that scary.  She was out of it, sure, but always in good spirits, slept a lot, and as comfortable as we could make her.  What I'm saying is that her last brush with death gave us both the confidence that, when the time comes to face it again, we will be able to face it together, unafraid.

So there's a lot about where we're sitting right now that looks very similar to how things looked a month ago.  Last time God heard our prayers and allowed Ash to recover at a neigh-miraculous rate.  We hope He does the same thing this time around.  After a pretty crazy month of highs and lows, there is only one fact that we can continue to rely on, one solid ground where we still find sure footing: God is still in control.