Thursday, July 2, 2015

Remember that time I almost died in the hospital....but then DIDN'T?!?

Yeah, I don't totally remember it either so this post will be mostly made up of first-hand eyewitness accounts and some super depressing pictures that will probably make you cry. They made me cry. But then again, everything makes me cry, even with my super-duper happy drugs!

I read over the blog posts Brad wrote while I was in the hospital (way to go Brad! way to stay on top the blog and be totally awesome like that! goooo Brad go!!). Then I spoke with some friends that flew in town to be there to help me (and the boys) while in the hospital.

The two posts immediately preceeding this one were intentionally somewhat vague about how I was ACTUALLY doing at the time. I think the main motivation was that we didn't need 100 people in the waiting room of the hospital - but we DID need 1,000,000 prayers. So Brad tried to deliver accurate reports on my status without actually saying in so many words that the doctors thought I was dying.

If you've been following our story since the chemo days (oh, those good ol' chemo days...), you'd remember that I was one of the really twisted ones that loved getting chemo because I knew that I was being given something that could fight the cancer. So same deal now: I was excited to get the treatment plan (...ANY treatment plan) executed. We spent a lot of time hemming and hawing about what to do first. While we were trying to make a good decision, the cancer was filling up my lungs with fluid and my liver had a 6 cm met on it (I've never, ever heard of something like this before, ESPECIALLY in a week). I feel like I'm running out of ways to say I have the most aggressive breast cancer possible.

Somehow in the time it took to sign paperwork, or whatever else it is you do to get onto a clinical trial (looking back, what were we doing anyways?) - I took a nose dive. A great big nosedive. My body was shutting down. I was no longer coherent. I literally couldn't see straight.

The doctor was very forthright with my family and me - or, as much of me as was actually there. The options she gave us were: A) don't take the chemo and die peacefully at home (5-7 days), or B) take the chemo, my liver potentially fail (there was a high risk my liver wouldn't be able to handle the chemo at that point), and die in the hospital (1-2 days).

The Sunday after I was admitted, folks brought the boys by to see me - and, we thought at the time, perhaps to say goodbye.

We originally didn't share these photos since they look so sad.  But now they are a testament to how amazing my recovery has been - Thank you Jesus!!
 So this is how I saw my options: if I was dying either way, at least the chemo gave me a shot, however small. So I said go big or go home: chemo!

Thankfully when you are in this stage of dying they give you some excellent drugs that make these decisions not as stressful/scary. I was at total and complete peace. And mostly out of it. I feel bad mostly for Brad trying to make those types of decisions with a clear mind. Of course, I'm not sure I would prefer the reverse, either. :-)

Each day after the infusion we waited for the gauntlet to fall. For all my numbers - blood counts, liver function - to start tumbling. Instead, every morning I asked, "has my liver failed?" They kept telling me no. Something was working. Jesus performed a miracle in my body and instead of getting worse, day-by-day things improved. I had doctors with the most shocked looked on their faces - one even actually used the word "miracle". So I'm here. We don't know how long I'm here for, but I'm here right now- and I will take it!

Another visit just before discharge from the hospital - what a difference a week can make!

59 comments:

  1. God is so good! Thank you so much for the update. I will continue to pray and sing praises!

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  2. Amazing!!! I found you through Andrea at Momfessionals and I've been praying for you and your family every day. God is great! Keep fighting!

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  3. This is amazing! I've been praying for you and thinking about you daily! I will keep on praying! ❤️

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  4. Oh my God you look amazing. I've only been following your life a very short while, but you are the very first request to God every single night that I make...and that will continue. May God continue to bless you and your family. Peace be with you.

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  5. So glad to see this. I have refreshed your blog several times a day (found it while researching my BFFs triple neg ibc). You are amazing Ashleigh. Keep it up liver!!

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  6. I'm so so happy to see this Ashleigh! I will keep praying, miracles do happen. A big hug from Italy!

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  7. Glad you are better and going home! Praying for a total healing!

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  8. Popping over from Andrea's blog. Just the pictures in this post alone are a testament to God's handiwork! Praying for total healing and for strength for you and your family.

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  9. Our God is SO big! He can do anything! Praying for complete healing! I am Shannon Stewart's friend and also a bc survivor! Yay for clinical trials! So. Glad they found one for you!
    Continued prayers! Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse and one I cling to daily.

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  10. You're so beautiful, Ashleigh!! Keep fighting, girl. Keep fighting! You are so strong, and your faith through all of this has been such an amazing testimony! Continuing to pray for you, and in awe of the miracle you described in this post today. Through it all, God is good.

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  11. So happy for you, we will continue to pray here in Colorado!! Miracles do happen !!!

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  12. Just found your blog by way of Shay Shull's blog. Praying for you and your family - wisdom, peace and healing from our amazing God!

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  13. I have been checking this page multiple times each day hoping for an update. I am thrilled to hear that God continues to show up daily in your life. I will continue to lift you up in my prayers!

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  14. Praise the Lord! I could not get you off my mind as I went to bed last night! Our God is Mighty... Mighty to Save and Heal! Will keep praying from Norcross, GA.

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  15. Go Ashleigh go!!! Prayers continue for you and all IBC warriors. Praise and thanksgiving for your family and friends and all making team Ashleigh what it is.

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  16. Amazing!! How GREAT is our God! I am thrilled to read this update, and I look forward to reading many more accounts of how Jesus is working miracles in you! Many more prayers coming your way. :)

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  17. Thank God! This is incredible - I love love love this post so much! Continued prayers for you and your family!

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  18. Praying, praying, praying!!! You are truly amazing!!!!

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  19. Praise the Lord! I pray for you and your family several times a day, keep fighting!

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  20. Praise the Lord! I have been praying for you and checking the blog for updates. This was definitely worth the wait. Enjoy the holiday weekend with your family. Continued prayersand praise��������������������

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  21. I realize that Brad was being vague on purpose, but I know enough to know what he wasn't saying. I've been praying for your liver and I can't believe God heard my cries! Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. -Psalm 103:1

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  22. I realize that Brad was being vague on purpose, but I know enough to know what he wasn't saying. I've been praying for your liver and I can't believe God heard my cries! Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. -Psalm 103:1

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  23. There's that beautiful smile!!! You truly are a miracle and still praying for your BIG miracle!❤️

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  24. I'm Andrea's friend and you are now in my heart and prayers!!!! Praying God continues to do BIG things for you and your family!!!!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer

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  25. I pray God continues to bless you daily with miracles Ashleigh!

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  26. Keep on fighting Ashleigh - you are an amazing strong woman! God still needs you here on earth apparently - you are an amazing testimony!

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  27. Ashleigh, God loves you and He wants you well. Luke 1:37 (KJV) For with God NOTHING shall be impossible.

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  28. Ashleigh, you are THE testimony of how the enemy can attack our bodies but NOT our spirit! You are so powerful in the Kingdom! Praying for your victory! The enemy has tried to attack my post on here through my inability to work a computer, so if you're reading this, small victory--won! I wondered if you have ever heard of Dr. Henry Wright & his "Be In Health" ministry(His week long events in Georgia). He wrote a book, ' A More Excellent Way' about sickness and Gods desire that we may all prosper and 'Be In Health'. This book/ministry was life-changing for me when I was hopelessly sick. I pray this be a seed & that the enemy is exposed by your knowledge that this is out there!

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  29. Ashleigh, I've never met you but I've been following your blog and praying for you each day. Keep fighting and I'll continue to pray for you, your sweet family, and more miracles.

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  30. Dear Ashleigh,
    Thank you for posting this update, with precious pictures too!! How amazing you and Brad are to care about your known and unknown prayer partners, while you and your family are in the midst of your challenging journey. I was certain that there would be good news, the very best news, that the new treatment was dramatically changing you. To God be the Glory!

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  32. Praise the Lord for this good news! We'll continue to pray for more miracles!

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  33. I went on to pinterest this evening searching for golf themed parties and find myself here on your page spending hours reading each post you and your husband have written. I find myself in tears- overwhelmed by your goodness, faith and your willingness to share so candidly (I'm the sort you'd find tucked under the bed). I have no words to express the awe I feel... you are one of the most outstanding people I have ever encountered. My heart is breaking for you yet I feel surprisingly encouraged. Please know I will pray for you every day- for all of you...You, your amazing husband and those sweet little boys.
    Your new friend :-),
    Donna

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  34. Even though I have never met you - I found your blog and check it daily for updates. I was getting worried when it hadn't updated in a while. I pray for you and your family every day. I prayed for you tonight and I am elated to read that you are doing so much better. God truly hears and answers our prayer. I will continue to pray for you. Such a blessing to hear that you are improving. God is so good.

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  35. oh my gosh so glad to have an update i was so anxious and worried about you all. you are so beautiful and heroic to me. thank you for writing this. there is still a place in this world for miracles...you are living proof. love to you brad and those beautiful boys

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  36. Ashleigh - God is so good. I will continue to lift you, your family, doctors, nurses, and all those caring for you up in prayer. Your spirit is such an encouragement to so many. Peace be with you.

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  37. This is just the best news ever! God is so good! I have been checking and checking the blog, and hoping that no news was good news! Big {{{hugs}}} to all of you, and continued prayers for the chemo to KILL THAT CANCER!!!!!

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  38. This is just the best news ever! God is so good! I have been checking and checking the blog, and hoping that no news was good news! Big {{{hugs}}} to all of you, and continued prayers for the chemo to KILL THAT CANCER!!!!!

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  39. Dear Ashleigh and Brad,

    You do not know me, but I came across your blog looking for blogs about breast cancer. I spent all last night and today reading every single post, and I have never read such a story that was so heartbreaking and so uplifting at the same time. I am so, so sorry that you and Brad have to go through this, but your attitude is a God-send for me as I, at times, find myself wanting to wallow in self-pity over my own breast cancer diagnosis. I am not a religious person, and yet the power of your attitude and unwavering faith has me praying for you and your beautiful family - for your continued strength and inner peace.

    Much love to you all; thank you for sharing your extraordinary story.

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  40. Got to read and know about you and your family through Shay Shull's blog Mix and Match Mama. All I want to say is that I am sending you and your loved ones hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers. Also, to anyone else reading who is fighting their own illness, whether it be the same as Ashleigh's or something completely different. Love to you all!!! You are not alone and people are rooting for you all to make a complete recovery!

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  41. Keep that positive spirit up. God will continue to do may great things. You and your family are always in my prayers.

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  42. That's so incredible!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! Even in all this praise I simply can not imagine what that (what you thought could be) last visit with your boys must have been like for you or your loved ones to comprehend. My mind won't even let me go down how sad that had to have been. And you are right, those pictures are heartbreaking. You look amazing in that last picture and I'm so grateful, with my whole heart and soul, that you get to hold your boys and see them and hear them and love them even longer. Such an amazing blessing and testimony. Praying for you!!!!!!

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  43. With God everything is possible. Praise to our Lord and Saviour for this miracle.
    Prayers for many more for you in Gods plan. You are beautiful Ashleigh and your journey is a living testament to Gods power.

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  44. My spirit is so uplifted reading this!!! God is good!!!

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  45. Wow, the difference in those pictures is amazing. Praying that things continue to look up!

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  46. Praise God!! Praying that your body continues to fight the cancer and praying for more time with your family and loved ones. You are a fighter!!

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  47. How are you doing now? Did you find out what caused the fever that sent you back to the hospital last week? Sending you all the prayers and love.

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  48. God is good! Sending prayers from WI.

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  49. God is good! Sending prayers from WI.

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  50. God is good! Sending prayers from WI.

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  51. I am just some random IBC fb group that has been drawn to you and Ashleigh's story. I don't understand why this is what it is, but I am hurting for you both and your precious boys. I know we both are trusting God and HIs promises, but sometimes I can only do TODAY. I am so thankful for my husband, who reminds me I don't have to do the next chemo, the next hard step, I only have to do TODAY. I hope this will encourage you too in this battle. ONLY TODAY! It has been huge for me when I find myself so overwhelmed and scared out of my mind. I don't want to leave this earth right now, and know that is not your prayer for Ashleigh. He created the world with one word, He can do the impossible. But, He also doesn't give us what we think we want and we all know that and that's what makes this really hard. I just want to encourage you both and say lots are praying. Sally Mattis

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  52. افضل شركة تنظيف خزانات ومنازل وشقق بالمدينة المنورة شركة غسيل خزانات ومكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة ونقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة مؤسسة صفوة المدينة
    شركة غسيل خزانات بالمدينة المنورة

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  53. الشرق الاوسط من اهم شركات نقل العفش بالدمام متحصصه فى نقل عفش واثاث بالدمام ونقل العفش بالخبر كما انها توفر شركة نقل عفش بالجبيل والخبر وشركة نقل عفش بالقطيف والاحساء وجميع خدمات نقل العفش والاثاث بالمنطقة الشرقية بارخص اسعار نقل عفش بالدمام وتقدم ايضا شركة تخزين عفش بالدمام والخبر
    شركة الشرق الاوسط
    شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالخبر
    شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل
    شركة نقل عفش بالخبر
    شركة نقل عفش بالقطيف
    شركة نقل اثاث بالاحساء
    شركة نقل عفش الجبيل
    شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل
    شركة نقل عفش بالخبر
    شركات النقل البري بالدمام
    شركات نقل العفش بالدمام
    ارقام شركات نقل العفش بالدمام
    ارخص شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام
    شركة تخزين عفش بالدمام
    شركة نقل اثاث بالخبر

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