One Cough Drop

PET Scan

My mom used to say to me,"You are really smart, but you have no common sense!" Today was a perfect example of that. As many of you know, I was scheduled to have a PET scan this afternoon to see if the cancer has spread to my organs (as the doctors believe it most likely has). The instructions were no food four hours before the scan but water was fine. I didn't eat lunch and figured I was probably good with that. As I was getting out of the car to go in for my scan I grabbed a cough drop sort of mindlessly and popped it into my mouth- no big deal right? WRONG. The nurse that was prepping me for the scan kept grilling me to make sure I hadn't eaten anything and mentioned cough drop as something that would be no bueno for the scan. Apparently the PET scan works by putting radioactive sugar into your system, the cancer grabs it first, and then lights up when they scan you. If the cancer already has sugar to process it won't fully grab the radioactive sugar and the cancer doesn't light up.

So the whole thing ended up being called off over a cough drop. The staff was super awesome and rescheduled me for first thing tomorrow morning (have to be there at 6:30am which means leaving the house at 5:45am- ouch!). I may theoretically be able to still get my results tomorrow at my doctor's appointment at 11am and still may be able to get chemo at noon. My doctor wants the results before starting the new chemo regimen (I think they alter the dose if they are trying to cure you (higher dose) vs. keep you alive for as long as possible (lower dose)). No matter how you slice it, tomorrow will be an interesting day.

Thank you!

[warning: lots of honesty coming] Last night I was literally on the floor, crying, essentially having a panic attack thinking of leaving the boys without a mom. Every adorable thing they did made me burst out in tears thinking about how badly I didn't want to leave them. Brad and I spend a good 15 minutes in prayer just crying out to God to spare my life and begging him for a miracle. I felt so anxious and alone and prayed to God to restore my peace and my joy.

I had asked a couple of friends to come over after their kids went to sleep to help me with a Christmas project and spend some time with me. I debated about calling it off since I wasn't exactly in the best shape to be having guests. I'm so glad I didn't. Having them around reminded me what my life is like- it's stinkin' awesome. I have great friends, a beautiful family, a wonderful support network- if it wasn't for the cancer, I would have literally nothing to complain about. Being around them made me feel like everything was totally normal and fine.

Last night I had a wonderful night's sleep and today I had complete peace (literally zero anxiety) and total joy (laughing and dancing with kids all day). It was as if I was completely on my face in the pit last night, Brad got me up to my knees, my two friends lifted me up to stand, and then the countless messages via facebook, text, and email allowed me to run. Brad and I took the longest walk we've done in awhile just because I felt so good and had so much energy. In fact, I raced him up the hill in our neighborhood!

How does that happen? How can I have a complete 180 in a matter of hours? You know what that is? I'll tell you what that is not- it is not logical or natural. It is supernatural. It is the prayers of maybe thousands of people across the US and world praying for me today. It's the countless encouraging emails, texts, calls, facebook messages, and blog comments left by so many of you.  God has done a mighty work through y'all. You have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me today.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I feel ready to face whatever tomorrow brings- whether that is terminal cancer or a complete miraculous healing. Thank you for your love, encouragement, and prayers. They mean the world to me.