I have a few misc thoughts/updates to share this morning:
Fears
Since being diagnosed I can't say I've been too "scared" of anything that has been going on (you know, minus those two panic attacks the first week). Over the last few days however, I have been pretty worried about two things -
1) The chemo is pretty much out of my system at this point so the cancer is back to winning again. My tumors are starting to grow, I'm showing more symptoms, and the pain is starting to return. It is ridiculously scary and part of the reason I'm so anxious about getting the next round of chemo going.
2) Infections scare the living crud out of me. I'm "nadir-ing" right now which means I have zero immune system with which to fight any basic infection that would normally not even hit your radar. At the same exact moment, Noah has gotten a cold. He hasn't had a single cold since we switched up to the daycare in Allen. It has been really tough not hugging/kissing/cuddling with him. I'm washing my hands 100 times a day, wearing a mask out in public (I'm one of those people now), and bring purell with me everywhere I go. Even with all the precautions I still have been sneezing and have a little bit of a runny nose. The scary thing about infections isn't the bummer of getting a cold, it is how quickly it can escalate into something like pneumonia or other life threatening sickness when you don't have anything to defend yourself with. Very scary.
Baby David
I go back in this afternoon to see how my white blood counts are doing. I was "nadir-ing" on Monday so now it is a question of how long they will stay low before they rebound again. I'm 37 weeks today. I'm really, really happy we were able to delay delivery to give David a few more weeks to cook. There is a 3% chance of him going in the NICU for additional development time which is great compared with the numbers we were looking at a few weeks ago. I'm praying that my counts have already started to rebound so we can deliver ASAP.
On a much lighter note, the nursery is now painted (thank you Sabrina!) and the carpet has been installed. It has been a running joke of who/what was going to arrive first- the baby or the carpet. The carpet won- yay! I still have a ways to go in getting all his clothes/swaddling blankets cleaned/folded/put away and everything set up though. My mother-in-law arrives today and I have a good feeling that together we will be able to get it knocked out pretty quickly. I'm going to the store today to start working on the arts and crafts side of things. There are lots of decorations from Noah's nursery that I can leverage but there is just enough new stuff to put my mind on something fun for a bit this week.
Helpers
We have already gotten a ton of help from folks. A big thank you to everyone that has done meals so far. It is really nice never worrying about cooking and being able to open the fridge any given time and have 3+ awesome choices of leftovers.
My best friend since high school, Sabrina, came for a long weekend and left yesterday. Originally I thought there might be a baby already so the plan was for her to help with all of that. Since we didn't have too much we needed help with, we ended up just getting to talk the whole weekend. I'm sure it was a nice break for Brad to have someone else that I could vent my emotions to.
My mother-in-law comes today for a week and then my father-in-law will join her for another week. Should be really good help having them in town.
Hair
My hair has finally started to fall out. Nothing really started coming until day 15 when I was expecting it to start day 10-14ish. A few folks that have been through chemo before gave me the (accurate) heads up to expect it to itch or feel like a sunburn on your head right before it starts. It has gotten thinner but I'm still not bald yet. It is sort of a logistical challenge to remove all the hairs from your head- where does all the hair go?? I'll post pictures once it is completely gone.
Sabrina went with me to get a wig this week. That was sort of a surreal experience. I wasn't expecting to need a wig at age 29. The ladies at the shop were really sweet and made the process very doable. I'll post pictures of all the wigs I tried on- it was actually pretty funny.
That's it for today. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted on when I get scheduled to induce and bald-y pictures. :-)
Fears
Since being diagnosed I can't say I've been too "scared" of anything that has been going on (you know, minus those two panic attacks the first week). Over the last few days however, I have been pretty worried about two things -
1) The chemo is pretty much out of my system at this point so the cancer is back to winning again. My tumors are starting to grow, I'm showing more symptoms, and the pain is starting to return. It is ridiculously scary and part of the reason I'm so anxious about getting the next round of chemo going.
2) Infections scare the living crud out of me. I'm "nadir-ing" right now which means I have zero immune system with which to fight any basic infection that would normally not even hit your radar. At the same exact moment, Noah has gotten a cold. He hasn't had a single cold since we switched up to the daycare in Allen. It has been really tough not hugging/kissing/cuddling with him. I'm washing my hands 100 times a day, wearing a mask out in public (I'm one of those people now), and bring purell with me everywhere I go. Even with all the precautions I still have been sneezing and have a little bit of a runny nose. The scary thing about infections isn't the bummer of getting a cold, it is how quickly it can escalate into something like pneumonia or other life threatening sickness when you don't have anything to defend yourself with. Very scary.
Baby David
I go back in this afternoon to see how my white blood counts are doing. I was "nadir-ing" on Monday so now it is a question of how long they will stay low before they rebound again. I'm 37 weeks today. I'm really, really happy we were able to delay delivery to give David a few more weeks to cook. There is a 3% chance of him going in the NICU for additional development time which is great compared with the numbers we were looking at a few weeks ago. I'm praying that my counts have already started to rebound so we can deliver ASAP.
On a much lighter note, the nursery is now painted (thank you Sabrina!) and the carpet has been installed. It has been a running joke of who/what was going to arrive first- the baby or the carpet. The carpet won- yay! I still have a ways to go in getting all his clothes/swaddling blankets cleaned/folded/put away and everything set up though. My mother-in-law arrives today and I have a good feeling that together we will be able to get it knocked out pretty quickly. I'm going to the store today to start working on the arts and crafts side of things. There are lots of decorations from Noah's nursery that I can leverage but there is just enough new stuff to put my mind on something fun for a bit this week.
Helpers
We have already gotten a ton of help from folks. A big thank you to everyone that has done meals so far. It is really nice never worrying about cooking and being able to open the fridge any given time and have 3+ awesome choices of leftovers.
My best friend since high school, Sabrina, came for a long weekend and left yesterday. Originally I thought there might be a baby already so the plan was for her to help with all of that. Since we didn't have too much we needed help with, we ended up just getting to talk the whole weekend. I'm sure it was a nice break for Brad to have someone else that I could vent my emotions to.
My mother-in-law comes today for a week and then my father-in-law will join her for another week. Should be really good help having them in town.
Hair
My hair has finally started to fall out. Nothing really started coming until day 15 when I was expecting it to start day 10-14ish. A few folks that have been through chemo before gave me the (accurate) heads up to expect it to itch or feel like a sunburn on your head right before it starts. It has gotten thinner but I'm still not bald yet. It is sort of a logistical challenge to remove all the hairs from your head- where does all the hair go?? I'll post pictures once it is completely gone.
Sabrina went with me to get a wig this week. That was sort of a surreal experience. I wasn't expecting to need a wig at age 29. The ladies at the shop were really sweet and made the process very doable. I'll post pictures of all the wigs I tried on- it was actually pretty funny.
That's it for today. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted on when I get scheduled to induce and bald-y pictures. :-)
You sound so positive - which is a Big part of the fight. We are praying for a report of NED - No Evidence Of Disease - which is a term we soon learned when my husband, Jim, was going through his cancer treatment several years ago. He was 4th stage & is still with us. Hang in there, a Miracle is on its way!!
ReplyDeleteOh Ashleigh in spite of all you are facing (as if adding a new member to your family wasn't enough) ...you make me smile. I can just see you and Sabrina trying on wigs(I'm sure tears and laughter were involved)��prayers for your White blood cells to multiply by 7's��. Prayers for you to be shielded from all infection. Praise for helpers! Post pics of nursery when it's ready and so excited for the little miracle about to enter your life and praying for your big miracle! Love you sweetie!❤️
ReplyDeleteOops forgot one thing...big prayers for you to get started back on chemo ASAP! Never thought I'd say that to you and praying for your miracle so I can stop praying about you and chemo!
ReplyDeleteI am a friend of your MIL and her friends and neighbors. You are in our family's thoughts and prayers. May you be assured of and comforted by God's presence and mercy through this journey.
ReplyDeleteAshleigh, you are so amazing. Your positive attitude is such an inspiration. I am trying to imagine you trying on wigs, but having a hard time picturing you as anything but a redhead :)
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for your WBC count and for baby David.
Hey Pretty Lady, So glad the carpet is down, the nursery is painted, and that you get to utilize your creative gifts and talents on Baby David's new nursery. I'm sure it will be a welcomed outlet to focus on something fun and productive :-) We're praying for you to be shielded from infection, WBC counts, the cancer to be irraticated, and for a healthy baby. We're here for you sweetness so please don't hesitate to let us know how we can serve you guys!
ReplyDeleteLove you! Maggie, Chris, & Jacob
I was chatting with Alicia Lenis and we couldn’t help but reminisce about all the wonderful things that are you, Ashleigh. One memory that stood out was from right when we started at Sloan. You made a bunch of lasagna and cherry pie and opened your doors to our whole class. That gesture quite simply epitomizes you: warm, generous, and with one of the best smiles out there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. -Sohana
ReplyDelete